I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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