he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
