We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the day after is always just damage control
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
