Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
