Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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