So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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