Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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