i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
