Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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