I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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