Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
