Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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