I cockslap morals
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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