I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
