I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
