Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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