also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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