somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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