i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
