Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
