There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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