my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
