I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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