I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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