i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
