i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
