I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
