I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
