I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
