Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
