apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
