it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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