tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
