I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
