Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
