Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
