My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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