is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
