my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
