Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
