also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
