apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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