Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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