What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
