I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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