i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
