I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
