there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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