He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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