I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
