Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
