we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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