xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
