and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
