no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
