Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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