butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
