he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
