I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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