So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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