i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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