come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
