the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
