she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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