I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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