my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
