i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
