If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
