I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
