remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
