I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
