Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
